Thoughts on College as it Looms Closer than Ever Before

This is what I see right before I go to sleep (of course, the lights are out then).

Let me tell you something. I've looked at this wall for years but most particularly at a certain time for the past four years. Since High School started, on one night before school starts, I find myself facing this wall and considering the future. It's my annual moment to assess where I am, what's going to happen, and how I feel about it. Three years ago, I looked at this wall and cried. The sudden reality of college and my brother leaving and my life changing forever had dawned on me; however, I felt that I still had four years, plenty of time, before that would happen. Two years ago, I looked at that wall and felt a little more resigned towards the future. I don't recall crying, but I wasn't entirely at ease. Last year, I looked at that wall and couldn't believe that time had passed so quickly, that in one short year, it would arrive - college. Tonight, for the last time, I will look at that wall and consider the future. This is what I will think: It's finally here. It's no longer four years away; it's four days away.

This is odd, isn't it? Me, the school-lover, dreading college? It's just that I expect college to be hard, and right now I have no way to measure my skills up to its difficulty level. I need it to hit me so that I can hit back and see what we're both made of. Until then, I can only worry about how challenging it will be, and I can acclimate to the endings and the beginnings. I've never thought of myself as someone who didn't like change, but now I think I am. I'm waiting 'till the joy of new beginnings overcomes the sorrow of endings.

Don't worry. In a fortnight, I'll be blogging about how wonderful college is and how great and sunny my existence is turning out to be.
Until then, I'm here. Staring at a wall in the dark.



Yes, I do sleep with at least five stuffed animals on my bed (Eeyore, Mousse the moose, Winston the mouse, Chocolate the lab., and Harold the hippo). . . . . what? . . . . stop giving me that look.